Ending a marriage is not as simple as signing on the dotted line and walking away. Most divorcing couples will need to resolve certain issues before they can finalize the divorce. The division of marital property and debt is often an especially complicated and tense aspect of a divorce. If you are a parent, you and your spouse will need to determine how to divide parenting responsibilities and parenting time. You and your spouse may also disagree about child support and/or spousal support. One way you may be able to reach an agreement about these issues is through family law mediation.

Mediation Is an Alternative to Divorce Litigation  

If you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement about the terms of your divorce, the court will be forced to determine the unresolved issues for you. This not only takes away your control over the outcome of your divorce but going through divorce litigation is often a very stressful process. Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution method that aims to resolve divorce issues outside of court. During mediation, the spouses work with a skilled mediator to discuss the unresolved issues, explore possible solutions, and find common ground.

If you are a parent who is considering divorce or you are unmarried and about to become a parent, you probably have questions about child custody. In Illinois, child custody has been replaced by the more modern terms “parental responsibilities” and “parenting time.” Parental responsibilities refer to a parent’s authority to make major decisions about the child’s life such as where the child will attend school. Parenting time, formerly “visitation,” is the actual time that a parent spends caring for his or her child. Parents are asked to outline the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time in their “parenting plan.” Parents who cannot agree on parenting plan issues have several options.

Working Out an Agreement with Help from a Family Law Attorney

Understandably, parents often have strong feelings about child custody issues. This can make it hard for parents to discuss child-related issues rationally or to even consider compromising. If you find yourself in this situation, a family law attorney who has experience with child custody disputes can be a valuable resource. Your attorney can help you negotiate the elements of the parenting plan and may also have ideas that you had not considered.

Drug and alcohol addiction is a huge concern throughout the United States, including in Illinois. Substance abuse problems such as alcoholism and opiate addiction have destroyed thousands of families. Other addictions such as gambling or shopping addictions can also have a devastating effect on a marriage or family. If you are thinking about legally ending your marriage, and your spouse suffers from an addiction, you may be worried about how your spouse’s addiction may affect your Illinois divorce.

Put Your Health and Well-Being First

If you are like many people who are married to a drug addict, alcoholic, or another type of addict, you have probably spent a great deal of time trying to help your spouse. You may have talked to your spouse about getting rehabilitative treatment, attending support groups, or going to counseling for his or her addiction. You likely spent months or years trying to help your spouse beat the addiction. Once you decide to end the marriage, you may need to learn to put yourself first. Divorcing someone with an addiction will likely be an emotionally exhausting experience involving a fair number of legal complications. That is why it is very important to make your mental health and well-being a priority during this difficult time.

If you are a parent who is facing a breakup or divorce, you may struggle with the idea of splitting custody with your child’s other parent. When you are used to seeing your child on a daily basis, the thought of seeing him or her a limited number of days can be heartbreaking. In Illinois, divorcing parents are required to create a “parenting plan” that outlines arrangements for parental responsibilities and parenting time. One of the provisions in this plan is the “right of first refusal.” This provision may enable you to enjoy additional time with your child during the other parent’s absence.

Requiring Your Child’s Other Parent to Contact You Before Contacting a Babysitter

Parenting time, previously called visitation, refers to the time a parent spends directly caring for his or her child. If a parent cannot fulfill his or her parenting time responsibility because of a vacation, work obligation, or another reason, that parent may choose to hire a babysitter or ask a relative to watch his or her child. This can leave the child’s other parent frustrated and upset. The right of first refusal refers to a parent’s right to be informed about parental absences and given the opportunity to “refuse” additional parenting time. For example, consider a situation in which a mother has the children Monday through Friday and the father has the children on the weekends. The mother will be out of town on a work trip Monday and Tuesday. Because the parents’ right of first refusal provision dictates it, the mother is required to inform the father that she is going out of town and ask him if he wants to keep the children on Monday and Tuesday. If the father cannot watch the children those days, the mother is free to hire a nanny or find different childcare arrangements with other family members.

A divorce may require that child support payments continue for years after a married couple separates, and the Illinois Department of Healthcare and Family Services (HFS), Division of Child Support Services (DCSS) has the power to modify child support orders so that they reflect any changes in Illinois law and personal circumstances. Although divorce settlements may require a spouse to pay both spousal support and child support, any modification passed by the DCSS does not apply to spousal support orders. 

Spousal support may also be eligible for modification, but you would have to bring that up with a different department. Navigating the complexities of the Illinois family court system can be challenging, so do not hesitate to reach out to a family law attorney with plenty of experience helping clients modify child support orders.

While the term “narcissist” is often used to reference a person who is very self-absorbed, it may also refer to an actual psychological condition. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often believe that they are superior to other people, require constant attention and praise, and engage in manipulative or controlling behavior.

If you are considering divorce and you are married to a narcissist, the road ahead will likely be filled with challenges and frustrations. Fortunately, you do not have to face these challenges alone. An experienced family law attorney can help you end your marriage as quickly and efficiently as possible while ensuring that your rights are fully protected.

Keep Copies of Communication and Financial Documents

Narcissists often lie, so having evidence of the real facts of your case is essential. Your spouse may attempt to hide assets or even purposely waste assets in order to reduce the property your receive in the divorce. Make copies of financial records such as tax returns, bank statements, retirement account statements, and credit card statements. Also, save emails, text messages, and other communications between yourself and your spouse that show his or her true nature. Evidence like this is extremely useful in proving your side of the case during your divorce proceedings.   

When a married couple decides to divorce, they have two options for property division: the couple can decide how to split their marital estate or the courts can make this decision. Usually, court intervention is reserved for couples who cannot come to an agreement about how assets and debt should be divided. Illinois courts use a methodology called “equitable distribution” to fairly divide assets and debt between the parties in a divorce.

When one spouse wastes or recklessly depletes marital funds, this is referred to as “dissipation.” If you have concerns that your spouse has dissipated assets, you may be able to recover the cost of these assets during property division.  

What Are Dissipated Assets?

In the realm of family law, the term “dissipation” generally means to waste by misuse or to spend extravagantly. The Illinois Supreme Court has defined dissipation as one spouse using marital funds for purposes not related to the marriage while a marriage is in the midst of an “irretrievable breakdown.” Not just any spending is considered dissipative; the spending must take place during a certain timeframe. The superfluous spending must be substantial, not beneficial to the marriage, and it must take place after the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage has begun. This “breakdown” is generally considered to be the time when the couple has ceased attempts at reconciliation and when divorce is inevitable.

A divorce can be considered a good decision for some family units. However, when there is a child involved, the process can sometimes become contentious. Illinois law allows for parents to set up a schedule for child custody, now referred to as “allocation of parental responsibilities.” These are all based on what is in the best interest of the child.

How Is Child Custody Determined?

Most of the time parents agree to the terms of the allocation of parental responsibilities in court. If the parents cannot come to an agreement, then a judge will decide which parent will act in the best interest of the child. The court will decide which parent--or sometimes both--can make the best choice for the child in many different areas, including: