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If Your Spouse Engaging In These Four Behaviors, It May Be Time to Consider Divorce

Posted on in Divorce

b2ap3_thumbnail_shutterstock_619465739.jpgResearchers have spent thousands of hours with married couples, analyzing their behaviors, communication patterns, and body language to try to determine whether certain actions are predictive of divorce. Perhaps unsurprisingly, there are actions that, when frequently engaged in by couples, make it easier to predict whether a marriage will eventually end. While nobody is perfect and everybody uses unhealthy communication strategies from time to time, if you recognize that the following behaviors frequently appear in your marriage, you may feel trapped and unhappy. If so, it could be time to speak with an Illinois divorce attorney. 


Part of personal growth and development is knowing when to change your behavior. Sometimes, spouses can be helpful for gently pointing out that certain things need to change. But when your spouse regularly attacks you or your character, you will likely feel criticized and demeaned - and nobody feels good about that. For example, if your spouse does not like the way you load the dishwasher and, instead of asking you to load it differently, accuses you of always being lazy or stupid, your spouse may be overly critical. 


Marital problem-solving requires spouses to take responsibility, no matter how difficult that may sometimes be. But when one spouse takes things personally or refuses to own their fair share of an issue, their defensiveness can make effective communication and problem-solving impossible. Self-victimization, whining, or otherwise trying to avoid full responsibility are also symptoms of defensiveness. 


Conflict is a difficult but necessary part of marriage and it is normal to feel overwhelmed during conflict. But when one spouse shuts down during conflict, preventing further communication, this is called “stonewalling” and is a counter-productive effort to avoid conflict. If your partner gives you the silent treatment, walks out without promising to come back, or unilaterally changes the subject, he or she is subjecting you to stonewalling. 


When one partner feels themselves to be better, smarter, or more competent than the other, this belief is likely to manifest in contemptuous behavior. Treating you with sarcasm, rolling their eyes, sneering, or outright name calling are all signs of contempt. People whose spouses treat them with contempt sadly often come to believe the things their spouse is saying are true. A good marriage fosters a culture of respect, love, and admiration - and if your marriage has none of those things, it may be time to go. 

Speak to an Arlington Heights Divorce Lawyer

While it is not always possible to predict divorce, and some behaviors can be unlearned, certain behaviors can make a spouse difficult to impossible to stay married to. If you are considering divorce and want to learn more about the process and what you can do to prepare yourself, schedule an initial consultation with an experienced Arlington Heights divorce attorney with A. Traub & Associates. Call us now at 847-749-4182






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